Envy, and Snippetts of Thoughts
by fallenangelcrys
Summary: A collection of obsevations of Kara and Lee and Adama from several points of veiw. Also has a poem deviding the different POV's, almost like a song fic I supose. Hope you like.


Title: Envy, and Snippetts of Thoughts

Author: Fallenangelcrys

disclaimer: All the property of Ron Moore and David Eick. except for _'Envious thoughts (that i can't escape)_' that's mine.

A/N: thanks goes to my beta, gnomesbeatfaeries and Lama for encouraging me to write this. :D

Enjoy, Fallenangelcrys.

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_The envy is there, I can't escape it_

_Simmering, just beneath the surface_

_For everything that they have, that I lost_

Cally snuck glances as Starbuck and Apollo had another raging argument almost out of sight, behind his viper. She couldn't hear the particulars nor did she care. The feelings that she could see deep in their eyes, weren't anger or loss, it was a yearning for the other to still be alive tomorrow. She knew that a family wasn't always blood relationships; the closest anyone had ever gotten to being her real sister was her godmother, Mira. She wished she had what Starbuck and Apollo had, or even that they could see what they had and recognize it for what it was, one of the last true families.

_So they can't talk without fighting,_

_So it's more likely to end in a punch,_

_Than a group hug_

Dee listened as the commander and his son yelled, overcome by emotion, at each other about something in the past. She thought of her own family and how even when they fought it ended up alright. The Adamas confused her; she knew that they loved each other to the point of desperation, and yet she hadn't seen civility between them. The children, like most, fought violently without acknowledging any relationship and the distant father figure watched anxiously as the damage was wrought.

_Yet_,_ their fights could, because they're still family_

_Disjointed, unofficial, dysfunctional_

_But a family none the less_

Boomer had seen how Apollo acted when Starbuck was missing. He didn't rest; he seemed to be an entirely different person. He didn't act like an officer or leader; he abandoned responsibility to find his friend, his last link to the past. The Commander, whom she had served with for a year now, had simply allowed it. At first, the decision was incomprehensible. Then, Sharon caught Apollo whispering to Starbuck in sickbay. It was then that she knew these weren't mere acquaintances; there were unbreakable bonds between these three exceptional people. On any Battlestar there were loads of scuttlebutt, but on the Galactica the whispered rumours were deafening. Now, Sharon knew the truth. She wouldn't tell though; she knew about family and loss, and this wasn't something the remains of the worlds needed to know.

_Father, son, daughter, all loved ones_

_What we have all lost, en mass_

_They have just found, left unacknowledged_

Cally knew that things were strained between the Commander and his Son and had been for sometime. She heard the whole sob story one night while sitting on the catwalk over the hangar bay. The commander had sat next to her and let it all out, tears and frustrations. He had his worries about his remaining child and almost daughter.

Yet she could see that they were the lucky ones; they still had what everyone else had lost. Starbuck, Apollo, and the Old Man couldn't see what they had, to each there was some downside to having to be around each other. What she didn't know was that on all sides there was the same uncertainty and pain, as well the hope that the bad would outweigh the good.

_Jealousy and pain, each time I see them_

_They can't forget_

_They can't leave the past behind_

Dee watched the exchange between Commander and Captain, each as emotionless and cold as the other. The need to have just what they were denying was overwhelming. They wanted to forget that there was a past, that they were anything more than C.O. and subordinate, but she could see in their eyes that it wasn't going to happen. As she watched they both turned to the blonde walking towards them in an eerily similar motion, the flash of regret and despair mirrored in their eyes showing the unwanted memories. The wanted clean slate is impossible, it would mean that Zak never existed and that would be worse than a strained relationships between officers.

_And all I want is to be part of their world_

_To have someone love me,_

_To have something, someone, from before_

_All the worlds ended._

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**Envious thoughts (that I can't escape)**

_The envy is there, I can't escape it_

_Simmering, just beneath the surface_

_For everything that they have, that I lost_

_So they can't talk without fighting_

_So it's more likely to end in a punch,_

_Than a family picnic._

_Yet it could, because they're still family_

_Disjointed, unofficial, dysfunctional_

_But family none the less_

_Father, son, daughter, loved ones_

_What we have all lost, en mass_

_They have just found, left unacknowledged_

_Jealousy and pain, each time I see them_

_They can't forget though they try_

_They can't leave the past behind_

_And all I want is to be part of their world_

_To have someone love me,_

_To have something, someone, from before_

_All the worlds ended_

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_please reveiw I appreaciate any feedback, good or bad._


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